How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
