I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
