Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
