I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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