I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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