Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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