she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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