My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
