He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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