i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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