# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
