Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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