I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"