he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
