I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
