I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.