so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that