There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
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First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.