Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt