There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How's work?
Spinning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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