I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
