Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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