Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There are leaves in my underwear?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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