so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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