are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
