i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
