Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
