I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
