New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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