If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
