How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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