Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Fuck appropriateness.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
