nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
