Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
