Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
