you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
