She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
