My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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