I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
