Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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