I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have fence marks all over my body
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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