something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
