1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
