Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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