Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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