This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
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On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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