Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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