so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
