I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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