I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
