i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
