i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
