Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have feelings that need drinking.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
