At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
