I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
