Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
