Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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