Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
