At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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