I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
