So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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