i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
