We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
we should paint friendship bongs
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