If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
