He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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