Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
