i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
