he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
