Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
