I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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