I wanna bring you to show and tell
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You're a waste of cheezeits
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
