I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
