cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
