not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
