I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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