how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The beer is more important than you right now.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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