dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
