Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
