when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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