I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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