HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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