i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
